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Mafia

Autor/a: vinafer
Estadísticas Resumen
Fecha de publicación: 03/01/2006
Leído: 35000 veces
Comentarios (104)
Valoracion de la obra: 16140660

Graciosa parodia de la mafia italiana
       Suena la música del padrino mientras se abre el escenario, que estará a oscuras. Sigue sonando la música, cuando se abren las luces. Salen Rocco y Malone con la intención de supervisar si hay moros en la costa, con un caminar de matones (tipo levantinos). Malone, viendo que no hay nadie, hace una seña para indicar que puede entrar el padre de la mafia (la cosa nostra), con sus dos socios: Lucky Luciano, Toni y Silvio B.

         En el escenario habrá una mesa con 4 sillas, mirando todas ellas al público.

         Malone se queda al lado de la puerta, vigilante, quieto como una estatua. Rocco se queda en la parte trasera del escenario, detrás de Lucky Luciano.

         Los mafiosos se sientan en las sillas con aire de mafiosos, pero ha de notarse que Toni y Silvio se quedan de pie y no se sientan hasta que Lucky Luciano lo ha hecho.

         Empiezan a jugar al póker y no inician la conversación hasta que no terminan la música:

Padre: ¿Cuando vendrá el nuevo, Toni?

Toni: no tardará en llegar Lucio. Se trata de un rico españolo, llamado Bartolo… Bartoloni, al que le sacaremos hasta la última lira… (le interrumpe el padre)

Padre: ¡dólares Toni, yo juego con dólares!

Silvio: sí Lucio, sí. Le tenemos avisado de que venga con dólares. Y tranquilo padre, que le vamos a limpiar.

(Siguen jugando y unos 5 segundos después:

TOC, TOC, llaman a la puerta)

Silvio: será él.

Padre: Rocco, contesta.

(Rocco va con aire de mazas, le habré la puerta y se retira de nuevo donde estaba)

Bartolo: hola don usted. (Bartolo levanta la mirada y ve a Malone, le hace una “inspección” en silencio de pies a cabeza, sorprendido por la fuerza de Malone).

Bartolo: ¿Cómo se llama usted?

Malone: Malone.

Bartolo: hola don Malone, desde luego a usted le han alimentado bien (Dice mirando la barriga de Malone, a lo que Malone contesta avanzando mínima, aunque amenazadoramente, su cuerpo. Bartolo se aleja bruscamente y deja de mirar a Malone.

Se pone a inspeccionar tontamente toda la habitación, cuando cae en la cuenta de que tres personas están jugando a las carta)

Silvio: acérquese don Bartoloni, acérquese. (dice con excesiva simpatía, incluso levantándose para indicarle su asiento)

Bartolo: gracias don simpático. Oiga, ¿aquí es donde se juega el concurso de parchís?

Toni: nada de parchís don Bartoloni. El parchís es un juego de bambinos. Nosotros somos hombres, y los hombres jugamos a las cartas… al póker por supuesto.

Bartolo: pero yo no sé jugar al póker…

Silvio: (Interrumpiendo), le enseñaremos don Bartoloni, usted siéntese; por cierto, a traído el dinero.

Bartolo: no me gusta aprender (dice con la intención de irse).

Padre: Siéntese ya, don Bartoloni (dice con fuerte e imponente brusquedad, por lo que Bartolo se sienta muy rápidamente), por favor. ¿Ha traído usted el dinero?

Bartolo: sí don antipático.

Toni: en dólares, por supuesto.

Bartolo: ¿en qué?

Toni: (nerviosamente) DO-LA-RES

Bartolo: yo sólo tengo pesetas.

Silvio: el padre de la cosa nostra sólo negocia con dólares.

Padre: (Interrumpiendo) Está bien, está bien… id a la caja fuerte y cambiadle sus pesetas por dólares. Malone (lo llama levantando el brazo y dando un chasquido con sus dedos).

         (Malone, inmediatamente, trata de coger la bolsa de dinero de Bartolo, pero este último no se deja. Malone forcejea un poco, pero pierde su paciencia y saca la pistola sin que la vea Bartolo…)

Toni: ¡Quieto Malone, esconde la pipa! Por favor don Bartoloni, sería usted tan amable de dejar que Malone cambia su dinero en pesetas por dinero en dólares.

         (Bartolo se levanta como queriendo decir algo, pero Silvio se levanta violentamente aunque un instante más tarde. Asustado, Bartolo se sienta tan rápido como se había levantado y le da la bolsa a Malone. Éste se sale fuera para cambiar las pesetas en dólares).

Silvio: Mientras tanto, empecemos la partida de póker.

(Silvio empieza a repartir con soltura, y cada vez que reparte

su carta a Bartolo, éste la coge desesperadamente y

exagera el que no quiere que le vean. Terminan de repartir, cuando llega Malone con la bolsa de dinero. El juego empieza

 a discurrir)

Padre: una más.

Toni: tres más.

Bartolo: me gustan las que tengo y me las quedo todas.

Silvio: yo quiero dos.

Padre: meto 100 dólares

Toni: yo igualo.

Bartolo: (mete prácticamente la cabeza en la bolsa), yo pongo mil pesetitas.

Toni: no son pesetas, son dólares…

Padre: déjalo Toni, tengo todo controlado.

Silvio: yo lo dejo estar.

Padre: Igualo la apuesta, y subo otros mil.

Toni: los veo.

Bartolo: (vuelve a meter la cabeza en la bolsa) lo siento, no encuentro un billete de mil, solo veo de cinco mil (y lo pone).

Padre: ves mis mil y subes cuatro mil. De acuerdo, los veo.

Toni: me parece que lo dejo estar.

Padre: full de reyes.

Bartolo: yo tengo cuatro caballitos y uno hombrecillo con campanillas.

Silvio: ¡Dios Santo, un repóker!

Bartolo: ¡¡Chincha, chincha, he ganado a don antipático!!

Toni: (se levanta poniendo la mano en la pistola)

Padre: ¡Toni, siéntate!

Toni: déjame Lucio, debo matarle.

Padre: ¡Qué te sientes!

Toni: no lo haré padre, Lucio, debo matarle.

Padre: está bien, tu te lo has buscado: ¡Malone (chasquido con las manos)!

(Malone se abalanza sobre Toni, lo coge del cuello y se lo lleva)

Malone: Ay Toni, Toni, Toni, Toni, Toni.

Toni: No Malone, no. Está bien Lucio, me siento. Lucio por favor, haz que esta bestia pare. Lucio, Lucio… (pero Malone se lo lleva fuera, y se oye un fuerte “Aaaaaaaaah!!!!”, vuelve Malone)

Bartolo: oiga señor antipático, que le ha hecho a mi amigo.

Padre: cállese Bartoloni.

Bartolo: no me cayo don tontín.

Padre: tú te lo has buscado españolo de pacotilla: ¡¡Rocco, Malone !!

(Ambos se acercan a Bartolo para cogerlo. Uno se acerca por delante y otro por detrás. Cuando están a punto de cogerle, Bartolo se mueve y chocan Rocco y Malone. Ambos se enfadan y empiezan a pegarse)

Padre: está bien, Silvio cógelo.

Silvio: ¡Cógelo tú!, luego me harás lo que le has hecho a Toni (Silvio se marcha corriendo).

Padre: está bien, lo mataré yo. (El padre coge la pistola y le apunta. Bartolo se acerca).

Bartolo: oiga don usted, está muy sucia su pistola

(se acerca, la coge y empieza a limpiarla, de forma que se le dispara y mata al padre. Rocco y Malone, que estaban peleando, se caen redondos al suelo. Bartolo se queda solo. Sorprendido. Pega una miradita por toda la habitación. Va tranquilamente hacia la mesa. Coge su bolsa de dinero y se la lleva tan tranquilo. Empieza a sonar de nuevo la música del padrino. Bartolo se acerca tímidamente al público, les mira y se despide con un gesto como diciendo “yo no sé lo que ha pasado aquí, pero yo me voy tan tranquilo a mi casa”. Cuando se dirige a la salida, las luces se cierran, luego se cierra el telón. Sigue sonando la música. Cuando ésta se termine, el telón y las luces deben de haberse cerrado. Por favor, empiecen a aplaudir en este momento.)


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hxveayonvo@gmail.com
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Autor: seo plugin | Fecha: 18/09/2016 9:03:45

jemrcapp@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.us">Seo Plugin</a> seo http://www.SEORankingLinks.us/
Autor: seo | Fecha: 18/09/2016 8:06:16

wrlptjwwiga@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.com">Seo Plugin</a> [url=http://www.SEORankingLinks.com/]seo[/url]
Autor: seo | Fecha: 06/09/2016 20:03:56

ontstyq@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.us">Seo Plugin</a> seo plugin http://www.SEORankingLinks.us/
Autor: seo plugin | Fecha: 20/08/2016 7:38:44

dmnjtzfc@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.us">Seo Plugin</a> seo http://www.SEORankingLinks.us/
Autor: seo | Fecha: 15/08/2016 4:11:07

ednnsplog@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.us">Seo Plugin</a> seo http://www.SEORankingLinks.us/
Autor: seo | Fecha: 14/08/2016 12:53:28

fldkump@gmail.com
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gyyyzug@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.com">Seo Plugin</a> seo plugin http://www.SEORankingLinks.com/
Autor: seo plugin | Fecha: 09/08/2016 6:03:20

bzywuwr@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.com">Seo Plugin</a> seo http://www.SEORankingLinks.com/
Autor: seo | Fecha: 09/08/2016 3:22:44

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