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JUAN Y LA HABICHUELA MAGICA (Adaptación de la version de Roald Dahl)

Autora: Susana Alonso Segura
Estadísticas Resumen
Fecha de publicación: 25/08/2012
Leído: 21327 veces
Comentarios (50)
Valoracion de la obra: 7,09

Mi versión para teatro infantil (en forma de guión) de la narración cómica de Roald Dahl recogida en su libro de Cuentos en verso para niños perversos: Juan y la habichuela mágica (Otra História).

(En escena Juan, su madre y el narrador)

Madre: (enfadada) Se acabó, no queda un chavo en casa y digo yo que en el mercado echándole tupé podrás vender la vaca, conque ve y cuenta allí lo sana que es la Juana, (con gesto confidente) aunque tú  y yo sepamos que es anciana.

(Juan sale de escena)

Narrador: Se fue Juan con la vaca y volvió luego, diciendo…

(Entra Juan corriendo al escenario)

Juan: ¡Madre, cómo les di el pego! Jamás habrá un negocio tan redondo como en que hizo tu Juan.

Madre: (interrumpiendo) ¡Mira el sabihondo! Seguro que tu trato es un desastre y que te ha dado el timo algún pillastre…

Narrador: Más cuando Juan con gesto artero y pillo extrajo una habichuela del bolsillo su madre saltó un cuádruple mortal, se puso azul y gritó…

Madre: ¡Animal! ¿Te has vuelto loco? Dime, tarambana, ¿te han dado una habichuela por la Juana?

(La madre coge la habichuela, la lanza lejos, agarra la aspiradora y persigue a Juan hasta fuera de la escena)

Narrador: Y tiró al huerto la habichuela, agarró a Juan y le atizó candela con la magüeta de la aspiradora zurrándole lo menos media hora. A las diez de la noche, sin embargo, la alubia empezó a echar un tallo largo, tan largo que la punta se perdía entre las nubes cuando llegó el día.

(Entra Juan corriendo y su madre lo sigue más pausadamente)

Juan: (Señalando al cielo) ¡Madre, echa un vistazo y dime si ayer no hice un negociazo!

Madre: ¡Calla, pasmarote! ¿Acaso da habichuelas ese brote que pueda yo meter en el puchero? ¡No agotes mi paciencia, majadero!

Juan: ¡Por Dios, mamá, que no hablo de semillas! ¿No ves que es de oro? ¡Mira cómo brilla!

(Los dos contemplan el aire)

Narrador: ¡Cuánta razón tenía el rapazuelo! Allá afuera, estirándose hasta el cielo, brillaba una alta torre de hojas de oro más imponente que el mayor tesoro. La madre de Juanito espeluznada pegó otro brinco y dijo…

Madre: ¡Que burrada! Hoy mismo compro un Rolls, me voy a Ibiza y abro una cuenta en una banca Suiza. (Dirigiéndose a su hijo) ¡Vamos, mastuerzo, tráeme las que puedas y las que no sean de oro te las quedas!

(Juan sale empujado por su madre. Esta se sienta).

Narrador: Y Juan sin atreverse a vacilar, trepó por la habichuela sin tardar, ganando altura –no preguntéis cuanta- hasta alcanzar la punta de la planta. Más una vez allí ocurrió una cosa de lo más espantable y horrorosa: se levantó un estruendo tremebundo, como si se acercara el fin del mundo y habló una voz terrible, muy cercana…

Gigante: (en off) ¡¡ESTOY OLIENDO CARNE HUMANA!!

(La madre pega un bote del susto y mira a su alrededor)

Narrador: Juanito se dio un susto de caballo y sin pensarlo más bajó del tallo.

(Entra Juan, jadeando despavorido)

Juan: (asustado) ¡Ay, madre!, si lo sé yo no te escucho, que arriba hay un hombre que grita mucho, que yo lo he visto y me parece injusto subir y que me peguen otro susto. Es un gigante, y anda bien de olfato.

Madre: ¡Que tonterías dices, mentecato!

Juan: Me olió sin verme, madre, te lo juro. Es un gigante enorme, ¡estoy seguro!

Madre: Naturalmente que te olió, marrano, que no te duchas más que en verano y apestas como un chivo y no obedeces por más que te lo mande cien mil veces.

Juan: ¿Por qué no subes tú, ya que eres tan valiente?

Madre: ¡Desde luego! Yo sin luchar a tope no me entrego.

(Sale la madre, Juan se queda mirando al cielo)

Narrador: Se arremangó las faldas y de un salto tomó la planta por asalto y se perdió en sus hojas, mientras Juan dudaba del buen éxito del plan, temiendo que el tufillo mareante de su madre enfadara a aquel gigante. Mirando arriba estaba… (Se oye un suspiro aterrador. Juan mira a su alrededor) hasta que un ruido que no esperaba, más bien un chasquido terrible, y una voz desde la altura llegaron a su oído…

Gigante: (en off) ¡ESTABA DURA Y LE SOBRABAN HUESOS, PERO AL MENOS LOS DOS MUSLITOS ME HAN SABIDO BUENOS!

Juan: ¡Atiza! ¡Ese chiflado se merendó a mi madre de un bocado!  (Olfateó) Ya lo decía yo. Ese tufillo horrible… (Contempla la planta que se pierde entre las nubes. Suspira.) Mala suerte, tendré que enjabonarme y frotar fuerte para poder pasar por inodoro si quiero reincidir en lo del oro.

(Se va Juan)

Narrador: Conque se dirigió al cuarto de baño por primera vez en aquel año, gastó siete champús, doce jabones y se llenó los pelos de lociones, se cepilló muelas y dientes y se dejó las uñas relucientes. Volvió luego a la plata nuestro chico y allí arriba seguía, hecho un borrico, sorbiéndose los mocos y escupiendo, nuestro gigante bárbaro y horrendo.

Gigante: (En off) ¡NO ESTOY OLIENDO NADA POR AHORA!

Narrador: Varias horas esperó Juan. Por fin cayó dormido el monstruo, y el muchacho, sin un ruido, hizo cosecha de oro a troche y moche y durmió billonario aquella noche.

(Se va el narrador. Entra Juan feliz y sonriente, con una toalla en el hombro.)

Juan: Bañarse es algo muy seguro. Me daré un baño al mes en el futuro.


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icvrpp@gmail.com
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Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.com">Seo Plugin</a> seo plugin http://www.SEORankingLinks.com/
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vuizfiqyq@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.com">Seo Plugin</a> seo plugin http://www.SEORankingLinks.com/
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cjbgtkyvut@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.com">Seo Plugin</a> seo http://www.SEORankingLinks.com/
Autor: seo | Fecha: 28/01/2016 17:12:45

jibjiqyx@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SeoOptimizedRankings.com">Seo Plugin</a> seo plugin http://www.SeoOptimizedRankings.com/
Autor: seo plugin | Fecha: 28/01/2016 15:03:28

geohjta@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.com">Seo Plugin</a> seo plugin http://www.SEORankingLinks.com/
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zftmxox@gmail.com
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword....wait there's even more Now what if i told you there was a simple Wordpress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That's right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. <a href="http://www.SEORankingLinks.com">Seo Plugin</a> seo http://www.SEORankingLinks.com/
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